New wings new eyes

If someone would have told me six weeks ago that I would have make it 'til the end of this teacher training I would have laughed so hard!

To begin with ,the first thing I told to myself the very first day Was " ruuuuuuuun". This thought kept on playing on my mind for the next couple days (sometimes really LOUD!!) even on the second week , when finally it stopped. I was staying,it was already painful physically and especially mentally and I knew it was gonna go harder but there was no way I was leaving this training without completing it. My internal fire wont let me surrender. I knew what I had to put up with. It was obvious that the next six weeks Im just gonna dig and dig and dig deeper inside of me , Removing the dirt to find treasure. It was a process  i kept on postponing with excuses and laziness for such a long time now. Somehow we see that we have to take a  harder path ,but we just wont let go of all our habits and comfort because we are afraid of everything that will come up and change our perspective. Thats exactly what happened when the course started .
 All these mixed up super intense feelings I got this one and a half month ,all these sudden mood changes . Crying for no reason most of the times ,feeling like a dark cloud sat on my head , doubting everything. Past or present. Everything I was and everything I thought I would be.  Felt like one was being on the battlefield with oneself. The more you immerse on the training the more you realize where you've been all this time. And in my case I didn't like it , Ive  been blind. After all this time  I started to feel like a thin layer has been removed from my eyes and I can actually not just look , I can see. Therefore I am completely aware that this is just the beginning of a lifetime process but I just took this tiny first step. The real challenge though is when returning to our comfort zone, where you don't have no one but yourself to keep you together. When stepping on the mat , we step into our lives, we get trained for keeping it together when life strikes ,we learn to be aware and any time ready to act to whatever happens good or bad with a focused  mind.
When leaving my country I had in mind that I want to be a yoga teacher ,Ive been practicing yoga for some years now ,I know some things Im going to India to learn a bit more ,maybe go deeper with yoga and then I go back and be a teacher! It now sounds funny to me.

There is a saying in greek that goes like this:when you are making up plans for the future , God laughs at you. I often think about it when I find myself planning and planning what I want to do tomorrow what i  want to do this month,so I can focus on the present and let unexpected things happen and can take me to places. So when I was thinking about "my plan" after the training sometimes I was wondering what could the unexpected factor be in this  case.
To realize that Being  a teacher is not just telling people how to stand in asanas. At this point my plan fell apart. This deep need of finding whats been hidden under all this dirt which covered my insides this I want to follow . Remove all the layers that cover my eyes and keep me from truly seeing this I want to follow. I ve been grateful EVERY single day that has passed-even the days when I had really low moments- for meeting my teachers ,for taking this course ,for all the things Ive been learning again. It is the first time in my life I feel i have actually done something good for myself, like giving to me a present that will last for life. I feel my heart is softer , i feel I can actually connect again with any form of life in a complete new way. I feel I can connect to myself, to my breath , To my body , to every single organ of me I know I have the ability to feel every single cell of me. Till now I was more of just a body with a non stop talking mind. Believe me its exhausting. 

Now something moved inside and slowly life comes back .
Ive been reading and hearing that your teacher comes to you when you are ready,i doubted that and also I didn't believe in teachers- gurus . If you ask me now, I feel like I have two small lights inside of me brightening the path ahead , carrying them with me constantly.I feel its a never ending connection. I will always look back to them and what I ve been taught. Both teachers' words sound like the most delicate chant in my ears,they calm me down and they are patting me on the back pushing me forward when I get stuck somewhere either it is asana or life.

I always wanted to do something in my life that gives me the opportunity  to give back to people to actually offer something to society , to the world.

I cannot imagine the happiness the teachers receive by seeing all twenty four people blooming -each one in their own way- during these six weeks. Twenty four souls will breathe easier and softer from now on and if they get stuck sometime on the way the lights are still inside to guide them back to the right path.To have the opportunity to experience this myself I feel deeply inspired and honoured.All my thoughts about how one can lighten up souls and lives like this amazes me.

   The seeds have been planted the     souls will bloom.

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A morning practice

 

This blog embodies my work done at

Atmavikasa center of yogic sciences, Mysore , India
atmavikasayoga.in

#yoga in Mysore  # atmavikasa yoga teachers training  # yoga in India

http://www.atmavikasayoga.in/

This was supposed to be a post about  mantras and chanting .I had the whole thing written down ,their function,their impact on our mind and brain  ,all their benefits!I still love chanting because it really takes me to another place ,it creates a deep deep connection with my body through vibration and all my inner world , it's a unique experience.Whenever I feel that somethings wrong and  I feel I need some boost up I start chanting and immediately feel better . I forget my mind and all my negative thoughts turn into positive.
But as I mentioned I 'm not  gonna talk about chanting. After beginning my practice this morning with  24 sun salutations something shifted inside . Just before finishing the 24th and I felt this wasn't enough I felt I wanted more ,so as I kept on going the more  energized I felt. I could feel the vibrations in my whole body ,I could feel them on my fingertips . Finally My mind was getting silent .

My full focus was only on synchronising inhalations and exhalations with the change of the asanas .
I managed 108 sun salutations.The only reason Im bringing this up my motivation for reaching 108.The motivation I found on the way. Ive been suffering from hearing this little voice inside my head constantly! I couldn't make it stop and i was desperately asking for this.So ,by keeping all my focus ,putting all my attention on the sun salutation i finally made it and throughout the way I had a deep deep body connection. 

Afterwards I felt quiet ,relaxed , shiny, i felt  like something stroke me like a wave . Or l was the wave?  As if I am this  wild part of nature ,unstoppable .I felt an enormous trust  to mother nature ,to the universe and to all the things that happen in our lives and to all the reasons that led me to this world.

I made the following realization:If wanting to preserve this feeling of living on my full potential ,the only thing standing in front of me and blocking my way from acting from the heart ,from the inner self ,is actually me. I am my own obstacle.
I realised that at times we are trying so hard to make our dreams come true and the reason we cant actually do it is beacause  we are focusing on the wrong things. We are giving all our energy focusing on the challenges that stand on our way instead of  focusing on our goal, on our dream.

I remember  my teacher saying (when talking about asanas but of course the same thing applies to life) imagine you are on a running contest ,whos gonna win?the one who focuses all the time in checking who s  ahead of him or the one who the only thing that he sees is the finish line  ? Of course the second one. He is the one who put all his focus on one,the goal ,the finish line.

His mind wont get distracted by random thoughts ,there is no space for it. In our lives we get distracted all the time by following all the tricks the mind plays  on  us. Now i can see clearly why i had a certain reaction in situations  in my life , when i was always felt that life was unfair to me.
So after this mornings practice I made the decision to write a letter to myself , mostly because all this greatfulness I was feeling for all my realizations needed to come  out Since i was a child  ive been using  pen and paper  to clear staff out to put them  out there somehow. It is also a letter to myself to remind me  that as soon as I get back home  and I m not in India anymore  and I also have to work  and go back to my city routine I should not forget.  Beacuse its easy to forget . I wanted to  "toughen up" as long as im still here ,to root the experience deep inside me so I am strong enough to fight  once  i step back to  normal life and all its crazyness.
I write to myself to let me know that my insides  are a garden ,like an eden garden full of the most beautiful and unique flowers  and trees.Such a beautiful place to be,such peace of mind can one enjoy in this place. All this beauty cannot take care of its own.To maintain this astonishing beauty  I should take care of this  garden every single day , I should water my plants ,talk to them ,nourish them. Because they are alive and they need care  and need my attention full time as if they were  babies. I am this gardens mother.
I write to myself  to  remind me  the importance of beeing present. I spent the past  few years feeling exhausted  ,with a super lack of any kind of energy. My mind was taking  all my focus and putting it on the wrong  places. By being present and enjoying this very moment to the fullest without caring about past or future or memories poping up  I am alive , full , shining full of energy .Don't  let the mind trick you into stupid senseless internal dialogues  which lead to nowhere.
When  obstacles come on your way dont rush to judge  yourself for past choices as bad. Observe and learn the lessons from your mistakes,if you dont make the same mistakes you will grow. Do not identify yourself with situations or feelings,step back and observe the anger you may  start to feel observe it and it wont explode.
Be aware! If you feel  any negative thoughts climbing up on you  hurry to them  observe once again  ,stay close to your heart  and use all your creativity to find ways to step out to the light again.
Live  as closest to your heart as possible. Every single moment be aware of all the signs ,follow your inner voice that is guiding you with all its wisdom leading you on the right paths where life is lived on its full potential. Trust this wonderful process, have faith on it ,have faith on yourself and all the miracles you are capable of in this life. When living close to your heart you will be able to spread love to others. So make this your priority ,if you really care about all other forms of life and you want them to receive your love ,you first have to walk on your hearts path.